well, that's it i guess.

i've been looking out for myself, and i've been doing what i enjoy. i paint more often, and i sing more often. i work a hell of a lot. i make my money, and i spend my money. and i wonder why i still feel like shit. and then i realize! i do not make myself feel like shit! other people make me feel like shit! how could i have been so foolish? i think about how i've been doing the right thing, and wonder why i still don't feel alright.

it's because i'm surrounding myself with people who disregard my happiness and my feelings. people who are supposed to jot down when i am sad, and help me feel better after they make it through their day. but i was stupid for thinking that these people could ever care about me more than they care about the little things that make them happy, temporarily.

to me, a person who is important in my life is important in my life. if i have love for a person, i will be there for them. and even if i do something unintentionally to hurt them, i will do everything in my power to change that. not because i care more about the other persons happiness than my own, but because if i truly care about somebody, sacrificing a minor joy in my life is worth their happiness.

and that is what makes the world turn. and apparently, that is why mine is at a stand-still.