i haven't felt this great in a while.

yesterday, andrew came over after work and we bummed around for a little. his iphone is like an extension of his hand.

adam came over after andrew left. he is my new best pal. here is the story of what we did that made my night/morning so much better than what they have been for quite some time:

we decided that the plans for the night were to 1) build a fort, 2) make music in the fort, and 3) bake cookies. we did not do any of those things, but did variations of them. we played the two acoustic guitars and sang songs while angie watched and clapped along. we play very well together. i think i found the other half of my duo. his voice is great, and he sounds just like adam green. he has a great range to compliment mine.

we walked to the corner store for cookie dough and toilet paper, but there was no cookie dough. so instead, we went from sweet to savory and decided to buy things to make quesadillas. he made them. they were delicious. i made the best smoothie i've ever made. we had a wonderful meal. we started to get very tired, so decided against making a fort. we watched south park to fall asleep. apparently, i was talking in my sleep and said "i'm not wearing the earrings." and he asked me, "you're not wearing the earrings?" and i replied, "no." then he pinched my ear lobe.

we woke up, and made quesadillas for breakfast. i tried to make a smoothie with what fruit i had left, but it came out more like sorbet, so we ate it with a spoon and dipped our quesadillas in it. we then wrote an improvised song about pie and frosting. i sang about how much i like pie, and he contested pie with a verse about how much he likes frosting on cake. it went back and forth like this for a few minutes. it's very moldy peaches. he is the adam to my kimya.

i like him a bunch, he's great. and he likes me a bunch and thinks i'm great. i questioned why we get along so well, and he said that we're both easy people to get along with. it's very true.

he has a good memory. i do not.

well, that's it i guess.

i've been looking out for myself, and i've been doing what i enjoy. i paint more often, and i sing more often. i work a hell of a lot. i make my money, and i spend my money. and i wonder why i still feel like shit. and then i realize! i do not make myself feel like shit! other people make me feel like shit! how could i have been so foolish? i think about how i've been doing the right thing, and wonder why i still don't feel alright.

it's because i'm surrounding myself with people who disregard my happiness and my feelings. people who are supposed to jot down when i am sad, and help me feel better after they make it through their day. but i was stupid for thinking that these people could ever care about me more than they care about the little things that make them happy, temporarily.

to me, a person who is important in my life is important in my life. if i have love for a person, i will be there for them. and even if i do something unintentionally to hurt them, i will do everything in my power to change that. not because i care more about the other persons happiness than my own, but because if i truly care about somebody, sacrificing a minor joy in my life is worth their happiness.

and that is what makes the world turn. and apparently, that is why mine is at a stand-still.

my nose can't smell. my taste buds can't taste. my wisdom teeth are really dumb. i'm falling apart on the outside. i'm surprised i went to work today.

i woke up at adam's, after a night of chicken tacos and jamming with his roommates. we listened to a tribe called quest while we were falling asleep, and it feels like it took me forever to get there. i remember tossing and turning, trying really hard not to wake him. when i woke up, he asked how i slept, and i told him how bad it was. he told me "aw" and that i should have woken him up and that he would have made me "sleepytime tea". he's such a moosh. he also gave me a watermelon ring pop.

he walked me to the train in his sweatpants because he does that sometimes, and i was on my merry way to work. my hair was uncombable, but at least i brought my toothbrush along. everybody could tell i was sick, by the sound of my voice. there is so much crap blocking my nasal passage that i actually miss breathing through my nose. my m's sound like b's.

there were three guys set up on the sidewalk selling books. i brought them out coffee and some crumb cake. they called me "sweetie", and we had a nice conversation about comics and graphic novels. in exchange for my "coffee kindness", he sold me maus II (in beautiful condition) for seven dollars. it was marked fifteen.

justin met me after work, and we got sushi at blue ribbon. i couldn't taste anything. i wish i could have, i hear the miso soup is really delicious. we got green tea ice cream and it soothed the pain in my jaw.

and now i am home. wilson and hitomi are watching a movie, and i made myself some chai. i have a long work week ahead of me, and an even longer play week planned. i think i'm going to catch up on some reading with my chai.